Annotated List of Books on Adoption

New Jersey Coalition for Adoption Reform and Education (NJCARE)
Annotated List of Books on Adoption
A selected list (not meant to be all-inclusive)
Adoptive Parenting
ADOPTION WITHOUT FEAR. James L Gritter. Corona Publishing Co., 1989. Seventeen couples tell their emotion-filled experiences with open adoption. They conclude: “Would we do it again? You bet!”
ADOPTIVE KINSHIP: A Modern Institution in Need of Reform. H. David Kirk. Ben-Simon, 1985. A critical examination of adoption practices and legal provisions in North America, which subscribe to secrecy, contradiction and discrimination. Academically oriented, this book delves into many more sensitive, secrecy-related topics often ignored.
BEING ADOPTED: The Lifelong Search for Self. David M. Brodzinsky et al. Doubleday, 1992. Uses Erik Erikson’s stages of life, the expertise of adoption professionals and adoptees to show how adoption is experienced over a lifetime.
COURAGEOUS BLESSING: ADOPTIVE PARENTS & SEARCH. Carol L Demuth. A thoughtfully written handbook for adoptive parents. Available through: Aries Center, 1437 Meandering Way, Garland, TX 75040-4213.
DEAR BIRTHMOTHER. Kathleen Silber & Phyllis Speedlin. Corona, 1991 (1st Ed 1983). A compilation of letters written to birthmothers by the adoptive parents of their children. An early perspective on open adoptions.
The FAMILY OF ADOPTION. Joyce Maguire Pavao. Beacon Press, 1999. An insightful book which enlightens everyone about adoption.
HOW TO OPEN AN ADOPTION: A Guide for Parents and Birthparents of Minors. Patricia Martinez Dorner. R-Squared Press, 1997. A valuable resource for families in closed adoptions, those who are in the process of opening an adoption or those who have already done so.
INSIDE TRANSRACIAL ADOPTION: Strength-based, culture-sensitizing parenting strategies for inter-country or domestic adoptive families that don’t “match.” Gail Steinberg & Beth Hall. Perspectives Press, 2000. Comprehensive guide aimed primarily at white adoptive parents; offers practical information from hair care to holidays. A must-read for multi-racial families created through adoption and helpful for anyone raising children today.
The MULBERRY BIRD: Story of an Adoption. Anne Brodzinsky. Perspectives Press, 1996. For younger children (beyond pre-school); tells the story of a mother bird who tries to care for her baby, then decides to place it for adoption and explains her reasons in a non-threatening way.
OVER THE MOON: An Adoption Tale. Karen Katz. Henry Holt, 1997. Magical and reassuring story of international adoption just right for the youngest child. A good model for sharing your child’s own story with him or her.
New Jersey Coalition for Adoption Reform and Education (NJCARE), 29 Hill Street, Morristown, NJ 07960.
973-292-2440 or 973-267-8698, Fax: 973-267-8305 or 973-267-3356, Email: pamgawa@optonline.net



PERSPECTIVES ON A GRAFTED TREE. Patricia Irwin Johnston. Perspectives Press, 1983. A lovely collection of poetry expressing perspectives of all members of the triad.
RAISING ADOPTED CHILDREN: Practical Reassuring Advice for Every Adoptive Parent. Lois R Melina. Harper Perennial, Rev. 1998. Editor of Adopted Children newsletter, mother of two adopted children, draws on latest research in psychology, sociology and medicine to guide parents through stages of adoptees’ development. Addresses open, international and transracial adoption & parents’ FAQs.
REAL PARENTS, REAL CHILDREN: Parenting the Adopted Child. Holly Van Gulden & Lisa M. Bartels-Rabb. Crossroad, New York 1995. Leading adoption authority gives practical advice for parents on how to talk with their children about adoption. Addresses special challenges and concerns of interracial, international and older-child adoptions.
SHARED FATE: A Theory of Adoption and Mental Health. H. David Kirk. Free Press, 1964. Adoptive father/sociologist expresses a theory of adoptive relationships - thoroughly attuned, insightful, compassionate and timeless in its wisdom.
The SNAKE-STONE. Berlie Doherty. Orchard Books, 1995. A well-written book for young teens in which a young man’s search for his birthmother leads him to feel more connected to his natural talents and at ease with himself.
TALKING WITH YOUNG CHILDREN ABOUT ADOPTION. Mary Watkins & Susan Fisher, MD. Yale Univ. Press, 1995. A clinical psychologist and a psychiatrist, both adoptive mothers, insightfully & sympathetically prepare parents for conversations with their children about adoption.
TELL ME A REAL ADOPTION STORY. Betty Jean Lifton. Illustrated by Claire A. Nivola. Knopf, 1993. A small boy listens to his adoptive mother’s made-up stories about his adoption but insists on the real one, which she then tells. This story he likes because it’s his.
TELL ME AGAIN ABOUT THE NIGHT I WAS BORN. Jamie Lee Curtis. Harper Collins Juvenile Books, 1996. Beautifully illustrated by Laura Cornell, the story of a young adopted girl’s birth is a cherished family tale.
TELLING THE TRUTH TO YOUR ADOPTED OR FOSTER CHILD: Making Sense of the Past. Jayne Schooler & Betsy Keefer. Bergin & Garvey, 2000. Provides excellent and straightforward guidance for adoptive and foster parents. Easy format gives parents the help they need to share information openly and honestly at various stages with their children, adolescents and adults.
TWENTY THINGS ADOPTED KIDS WISH THEIR ADOPTIVE PARENTS KNEW. Sherrie Eldridge. Dell, 1999. A guide to emotions of the adoptee and ways adoptive parents can allay feelings of fear, abandonment and shame.


WHERE ARE MY BIRTH PARENTS? A Guide for Teenage Adoptees. Karen Gravelle & Susan Fischer. Walker, 1993. Discusses how and why adopted children may try to locate and get to know their birth parents. Examines possible psychological benefits and associated problems.
THE WHOLE LIFE ADOPTION BOOK: Realistic Advice for Building a Healthy Adoptive Family. Jayne Schooler. Navpress, 1993. Author deals with issues of attachment, adjustment and identity. By being prepared, parents can avoid the disillusionment, feelings of inadequacy and resentment that may come with unrealistic expectations. Gives hope and direction to all involved in adoption issues.
Personal Accounts
A MAN AND HIS MOTHER. Tim Green. Harper Collins, 1997. With intelligence and emotional honesty, former football star Tim Green (now a novelist and commentator) tackles the subject of his search for his birthmother.
AIN’T NOTHIN’ AS SWEET AS MY BABY. Jett Williams. AdJett Productions, 1997. The autobiography of a child who became a ward of the State and later was adopted. The legal system conspired to keep her from knowing who she was. Follow her through the court battle to be acknowledged as Hank Williams’ daughter.
AN ADOPTED WOMAN. Katrina Maxtone-Graham. Remi, 1983. A well-written memoir by a New York City woman who found her birth mother in Mexico. Obstacles to searching twenty years ago are powerfully and poignantly documented.
The ADOPTION READER: Birth Mothers, Adoptive Mothers & Adopted Daughters Tell Their Stories. Susan Wadia-Ells, Editor. Seal Press, 1995. Thirty women, including well-known writers and adoption activists, write eloquently about a wide range of adoption experiences, including international adoption.
BENEATH A TALL TREE. Jean Strauss. Arete, 2001. Best-selling author’s memoir about her quest to unearth her past. An incredibly funny and touching journey that redefines the meaning of family and celebrates the universal connections that link us all.
BIRTH MARK. Lorraine Dusky. M. Evans & Co., 1979. Eloquent first memoir written by a birthmother.
BIRTHMOTHERS: Women Who Have Relinquished Babies for Adoption Tell Their Stories. Merry Bloch Jones. Chicago Review Press, 1993. Seventy women share their experiences of giving birth and placing a child for adoption, raising subsequent children, searching and being found.
FAMILY SECRETS. Harriett Webster. Addison-Wesley Publishing Co., 1991. Through down-to-earth and true-life stories, this book gives a bird’s-eye view of the damage that is done when we keep family secrets. The author says the biggest secret of all is that sharing our shames and sorrows helps us grow in love and understanding.
The GIFT WRAPPED IN SORROW: A Mother’s Quest for Healing. Jane Guttman. JMJ Publishing, 1999. A memoir spanning three decades of loss and love, regret and remorse, during which the author discovers the gifts that are ever-present amid many saddening recollections.
GIVING AWAY SIMONE: A Memoir. Jan Waldron. Times Books, 1995. The author reunited with her daughter when the girl was eleven years old. Waldron powerfully describes the struggle of birthmother and child to build a relationship.
ITHAKA: A Daughter’s Memoir of Being Found. Sarah Saffian. Basic Books, 1998. A gripping true story of a young woman’s quest for the meaning of family and belonging.
LOOKING FOR LOST BIRD: A Jewish Woman Discovers Her Navajo Roots. Yvette Melanson. Bard Books, 1999. An inspirational story for adoptees, particularly Native Americans seeking to uncover their past. Hallmark TV movie.
LOST & FOUND: The Adoption Experience. Betty Jean Lifton. Harper Collins, 1988 (1st Ed. 1979). Based on an adoptee’s talks with other adoptees. Includes conversations with birthparents and adoptive parents, making this a good all-around starter book.
MAY THE CIRCLE BE UNBROKEN: An Intimate Journey Into the Heart of Adoption. Lynn Franklin & Elizabeth Ferber. Harmony Books, 1998. A no-nonsense book that weaves a poignant memoir of a woman who reunited with the child she gave up for adoption with many stories from others into an intelligent, well-informed and complete picture of the varied experience of adoption.
MOMMIE DEAREST. Christina Crawford. Seven Springs Press, 1997 (1st Ed. 1978). A shocking and heartbreaking story by Joan Crawford’s adopted daughter. Also 1981 movie about the abuse suffered by Joan Crawford’s adopted children.
MOTHER CAN YOU HEAR ME? Elizabeth Cooper Allen. Dodd Mead, 1983. An extraordinary true story of an adopted daughter’s reunion with her birthmother after a separation of fifty years. Order from author via email: betglori@aol.com.
OUT OF THE DARKNESS: How a Birthmother Found Herself While Searching for Her Daughter. Helen Stummer. HMS Press. For birthmothers who have put the past behind them or those interested in experience of relinquishment. Contact author, hmstummer@earthlink.net ($7, incl. postage)
OUT OF THE SHADOWS: Birthfather Stories. Mary Martin Mason. Howard, 1995. Frank, honest look at those who had confidence to speak out. Often invisible, birthfathers care deeply and in many cases had no say in their child’s future.
The OTHER MOTHER: A Woman’s Love for the Child She Gave Up for Adoption. Carol Schaefer. Soho Press, 1991. A Bay Area woman tells her experience of pregnancy in a Midwest maternity home, relinquishing her son, her years of loss, her search and reunion. 1995 TV movie.
REUNION: A Year in Letters Between a Birthmother and the Daughter She Couldn’t Keep. Katie Hern & Ellen McGarry Carlson. Seal Press, 1999. Beautifully written and authentic exchange between an English instructor at a Bay Area university and gay adoptee and her birthmother as they get to know each other and face the inevitable issues and emotions of reunion.
SACRED CONNECTIONS – Stories of Adoption Essays. Mary Ann Koenig. Running Press 2000. Twenty-four stories in which adopted persons, birth parents and adoptive parents share their moving experiences of finding the sacred connections in their lives. Niki Berg’s beautiful photography.
The SEARCH FOR ANNA FISHER. Florence Fisher. Arthur Fields and Fawcett Press, 1973. Groundbreaking memoir by the founder of Adoptees’ Liberty Movement Association (ALMA) that catapulted the adoption reform movement into public consciousness.
SEARCHING FOR A PAST: The Adopted Adult’s Unique Process of Finding Identity. Jayne Schooler. Pinon Press, 1995. Provides insight into adoptees’ motivations to search for their birth families. Essential resource for all members of the triad as well as anyone desiring a better understanding of the search and reunion process.
SECOND CHOICE: Growing Up Adopted. Robert Anderson, M.D. Badger-Hill, 1993. A psychiatrist, who was a black-market adoptee, tells how the search process can be healing even when no birth relatives are found.
SOUL CONNECTION: Memoir of a Birthmother’s Healing Journey. Ann Hughes. Otter Bay Books, 1999. Captures the spiritual journey of a birthmother who holds onto hope that something, someday, will heal the darkest, blackest hole in her life — the surrendering of her daughter.
THANK YOU SON, FOR FINDING ME: A Birthmother’s Story. Beth Kane. Aslan, 1999. A personal story about the reunion of a birthmother and the son who searched for her.
THEN SHE FOUND ME. Elinor Lipman. Washington Square Pr., 1991. A story of what happens to a Latin teacher’s quiet life when her birthmother, a flamboyant talk show hostess, decides to contact her daughter after 36 years.
TO PRISON WITH LOVE: The True Story of an Indecent Indictment and America’s Adoption Travesty. Sandy Musser. Adoption Awareness Press, 1994. A personal story of a birthmother’s search for her child and her subsequent involvement in assisting other members of the triad to search, resulting in her imprisonment.
TOUCHED BY ADOPTION: Stories, Letters and Poems. Nancy A Robinson. Green River Press, 1999. A variety of literary expressions about the adoption experience.
TWICE BORN: Memoirs of an Adopted Daughter. Betty Jean Lifton. Griffon, 1998. Travel with the author through her journey of self-discovery, from her need to know, through her search and into reunion.
Search and Reunion
The ADOPTION REUNION SURVIVAL GUIDE: Preparing Yourself for the Search, Reunion, and Beyond. Julie Jarrell Bailey & Lynn N. Giddens, M.A. New Harbinger Publications 2001. Using real-life examples, this compassionate guide helps adoptees and birthmothers decide whether or not to search, prepare for reunion, survive emotional turbulence of initial meeting and avoid common pitfalls. Includes an overview of pertinent state laws.
ADOPTION REUNIONS: A Book for Adoptees, Birth Parents and Adoptive Families. Michelle McColm. Second Story Press, 1993. An adoptee working with other adoptees and birth parents explores the roots of reunion and how to support the reunion process.
ADOPTION SEARCHBOOK. Mary Jo Rillera. Triadoption, 1991 (1st Ed. 1988). A basic handbook outlining techniques for finding people. Author is both an adoptee and birthmother, making her uniquely qualified to scrutinize the emotional and procedural aspects of post-adoption issues.
BIRTHBOND: Reunions Between Birthparents & Adoptees, What Happens After. Judith Gediman & Linda P. Brown. New Horizons Press, 1989. Interviews with birthmothers, adoptees, adoptive parents and others to discover the impact of reunion on all involved.
BIRTHRIGHT: The Guide to Search and Reunion for Adoptees, Birthparents, and Adoptive Parents. Jean Strauss. A. S. Penguin Press, 1994. Important, valuable reference by an adoptee; includes guidance on decision to search, negotiating legalities, surviving emotional turbulence of a reunion and dealing with impact on adoptive parents.
DISTURBING THE PEACE: A Novel. Nancy Newman. Avon, 2002. Fresh and funny fiction about an adoptee’s search for her birthmother, but ultimately for direction and meaning in a precarious world.
I’M STILL ME. Betty Jean Lifton. Bantam, 1986. Family tree research assignment propels a high school junior to search for truth and her birth parents. Through her loving adoptive parents, Lori comes face-to-face with her past - and herself.
SEARCH: A Handbook for Adoptees and Birthparents. Jayne Askin. Oryx Press, 1998. Detailed step-by-step process for unearthing adoption information through sealed records, government data and reference resources. Includes listing of online services for networking with other searchers.
SHEA’S SEARCH SERIES. Shea Grimm. A guide to self-empowered search written by an adoptee rights activist. Available online at www.bastards.org/bookstore. Click ‘Search’ to download.
SO HERE I AM BUT WHERE DID I COME FROM? An Adoptee's Search for Identity. Mary Ruth Wotherspoon. Pate 1994. The author shares the account of her search for her birth parents and offers ways to help others understand the process and what to expect in their own quests.
Emotional/Psychological Aspects
A GHOST AT HEART’S EDGE: Stories and Poems of Adoption. Susan Ito & Tina Cervin, Editors. North Atlantic Books, 1999.
ADOPTEES COME OF AGE: Living within Two Families. Ronald J. Nydam. John Knox Press, 1999. For adoptees and anyone who relates to them. Describes distinct emotional and spiritual challenges and emphasizes importance of ongoing issues of adoption and relinquishment.
ADOPTION AND THE FAMILY SYSTEM. Miriam Reitz & Kenneth Watson. Guilford Press, NY. 1992. Brings together family systems theory and adoption with case samples, useful interventions and examples of good practice for working with all members of the adoption triad.
ADOPTION HEALING: A Path to Recovery. Joe Soll. Liturgical Press, 2000. Traces adoptee’s personality from birth through developmental milestones; techniques for healing, visualizations and anger management.
ADOPTION IN AMERICA: Coming of Age. Hal Aigner. Paradigm Press, 1992. Thoughtful chronology for all whose life is touched by adoption as well as professionals.
ADOPTION WISDOM: A Guide to the Issues and Feelings of Adoption. Marlou Russell. Broken Branch Productions, 1996. Well-balanced perspective that fosters insight and understanding of adoptees, birth parents and adoptive parents.
ADOPTION: Philosophy and Experience. Randolph W Severson. House of Tomorrow, 1994. Deeply spiritual and emotional, covers adoption practice, adoption rights movement and social science/social service with sensitivity and eloquence.
ADOPTING THE HURT CHILD: Hope for Families with Special Needs: A Guide for Parents and Professionals. Gregory C. Keck & Regina M. Kupecky. Pinon Press, 1998. Comprehensive and beneficial guide. Includes foreign adoption and integrates social and psychological issues that interrupt the adopted children’s normal development.
BIRTHMOTHERS AND TIME: Putting the Baby Back in the Cradle. Mary Anne Cohen. Self-published. 2001. Helps birthmothers recognize that in reunion they need to let go of the “lost baby” image. Send $3.00 to author at: 34 Highland Ave., Whippany, NJ 07981.
JOURNEY OF THE ADOPTED SELF: A Quest for Wholeness. Betty Jean Lifton. Basic Books, 1994. Addresses the myths and psychological effects of adoption. Highly recommended reading after general books.
JOURNEYS AFTER ADOPTION: Understanding Lifelong Issues. Jayne Schooler & Betsie Norris. Bergin & Garvey, 2002. Drawing on experiences of dozens of triad members, authors offer insight into concerns, issues, joys and pain experienced by those whose lives are framed by adoption.
LETHAL SECRETS: The Psychology of Donor Insemination: Problems and Solutions. Annette Baran & Reuben Pannor. Amistad Press, 1993. The authors explore the implications of the secrecy that surrounds human donor insemination in the firm belief that maintaining the human element and historical connection is crucial.
PANDORA’S HOPE: Poems and Prose About Being Adopted. Penny Callan-Partridge. Illustrated by Charles Filius. $12 to author at P.O. Box 3193, Amherst, MA 01004.
The PRIMAL WOUND: Understanding the Adopted Child. Nancy Verrier. Gateway Press, 1993. Provides profound information about pre- and perinatal psychology, attachment, bonding and loss. Clarifies the effects on adoptees of separation from the birthmother. Outlines the pain of loss and abandonment and gives insight into the healing process.
The PSYCHOLOGY OF ADOPTION. Edited by David Brodzinsky & Marshall Schechter. Oxford Press, 1993. Theoretical, empirical, clinical and social policy issues offer new insights into the problems facing adoptive parents. A comprehensive study of interest for all professionals.
SECRETS IN FAMILIES AND FAMILY THERAPY. Edited by Evan Imber-Black. W.W. Norton & Co., 1993. This collection reveals the confusion, mystery and terror associated with secrets. Secrecy in adoption is comprehensively covered in one section and reveals that secrecy does the most harm in the family of adoption.
Note: Many books are available from your local library. If not, you may ask them to order recently published books. To purchase, we suggest patronizing
your local independent bookseller. If you order from amazon.com via http://americanadoptioncongress.org, AAC will receive a referral fee.
NJCARE thanks the Post Adoption Center for Education and Research (PACER), Oakland, CA, for their significant input and support.
Please send any suggested additions to this list, briefly annotated, to jfoster7@optonline.net.

SYNCHRONICITY AND REUNION: The Genetic Connection of Adoptees and Birthparents. LaVonne Harper Stiffler. Stiffler 1992. A book exploring the nature/nurture connections through studies and the author’s life situation.
The THIRD CHOICE: A Woman’s Guide to Placing a Child for Adoption. Leslie Foge & Gail Mosconi. Creative Arts Book Co., 1999. Family and child counselors who have facilitated hundreds of adoptions discuss practical and emotional issues birthmothers face in choosing adoption.
Political/Policy Issues
ADOPTION NATION: How the Adoption Revolution is Transforming America. Adam Pertman. Basic Books, 2000. Groundbreaking work that examines historic metamorphosis occurring in the adoption world and resulting extraordinary changes in the U.S. This Pulitzer Prize nominee and adoptive parent, through compelling true stories, covers issues on foster care, international and domestic adoption, open adoption, use of the internet, infertility, sealing of adoptees’ birth certificates - and more.
The ADOPTION TRIANGLE: Sealed or Open Records, How They Affect Adoptees, Birth Parents, and Adoptive Parents. Arthur Sorosky et al. Anchor Books, 1984 (1st Ed. 1978). Groundbreaking research classic based on 1000 interviews of adoptees, adoptive parents and birth parents.
BEGGARS AND CHOOSERS: How the Politics of Choice Shapes Adoption, Abortion, and Welfare in the United States. Rickie Solinger. Hill & Wang, 2002. Author compares white women with women of color, poor or middle class, during the era of ‘choice’. Well-written and researched, the book defines the politics of motherhood and how it pertains to Medicaid funding for abortions to family tax credits, infertility treatments, international adoption, teen pregnancy and welfare.
ETHICS IN AMERICAN ADOPTION. L. Anne Babb. Bergin & Garvey, 1999. A review of ethical standards in the U.S. and a call for reform.
The IDEA OF ADOPTION: An Inquiry into the History of Adult Adoptee Access to Birth Records. Elizabeth J Samuels. Rutgers Law Review, Vol. 53, Winter 2001, Number 2. An outstanding overview of the history of sealed records and how they were affected by social attitudes and understandings. The entire article may be read under News and Events on the AAC web page by going to http://americanadoptioncongress.org.
WAKE UP LITTLE SUZIE: Single Pregnancy & Race Before Roe V. Wade. Ricki Solinger. Routledge, 2nd Ed. 2000. A pioneering work, the author reveals how current attitudes toward these issues developed by examining their roots in the postwar era and discerning how differently they affected black and white women. A powerful and shocking book; a must-read for anyone seeking to understand the complex and disturbing politics surrounding issues of race, class and reproductive rights.
November 2002